Many people have been conditioned to be turned off, even suspicious of talking about marriage, early on in a relationship or even at all. “It could be love bombing.” “They might not be sincere?” “Marriage is unnecessary nowadays, right…?”(mostly men say this)
But shouldn’t marriage be the natural end goal of wanting to know someone, in forming a genuine relationship?
Rather nowadays, people are used to getting strung along on dates, used and abused after a few months and dumped once the “feelings” run out. There are some that date for years, live together, but since they are still dating, there is no “pressure” of commitment or accountability for them… Who wants to go through the hassle, when some money spent on a dinner and false flattery is enough to get in someone’s pants? There are some that can date for years and have other women on the side, keeping their options open, since they are just “dating” right…? This is what happens when relationships are built on the feeling of “love”(the emotions and chemicals), not actual foundations. The concept of actual commitment seems foreign, since boys can get what they want(physical intimacy), without having to go through the hassle of a marriage, they have no real investment in the relationship, other than the initial pleasantries, dinners, etc. When commitment is optional, and left to ambiguity, there is little incentive to sacrifice, build, or protect the relationship. Unfortunately, only girls get the short end of the stick, being left emotionally depleted, heart-broken, and not being able to trust the next guy they might meet.
This is what is wrong with dating and relationships nowadays. Modern dating, hook-up culture, situationships, one-night stands, dine and dash, etc. has destroyed the fabrics of having and forming the foundations of a meaningful relationship. The scourge of casual commodification of intimacy. Many women now can’t trust men, or rather immature boys, due to their horrible dating or relationship experiences. It’s what black pill/red pill incels are taught to do to women nowadays, to devalue other humans, not as subjects to be honoured like every other being, but rather as objects that can be acted upon for their pleasure. Gloating about how many body counts they had, genitalia pics they sent, how they managed to seduce and manipulate many women using their pick-up “artistry”… This kind of worldview will never foster love or partnership, just more exploitation.
So what is a solution, you might ask? Well, I am more of a traditionalist. Looking at the realities of how men and women operate and think.
Guys are visual creatures(tend to focus more on the looks of a woman, rather than her intellect, initially), while women are emotional creatures(more vulnerable to sweet nothings, empty promises and love bombing). So to protect her and restrain him, no kisses on the first date, no staying over in your dates house, or whatever nonsense romance movies have you believing how a “date” should go, and absolutely no physical intimacy before marriage! Why give him the satisfaction, for him to get what he wants and move on? Why offer the deepest form of vulnerability to someone who has made no permanent commitment or willingness to take responsibility?
I don’t disagree to “dating” per se, more like, it should be a time you get to know someone, however long that may take, without having brought lust into the equation. For physical dates, the best would be to have a brother, uncle or father, from the women’s side, chaperone you on dates from a distance, as guys usually can sus out if the potential date is suspicious, or have wrong intentions, as guys usually knows how other guys think. The chaperone specifically has to be male, for this important reason. A potential suitor also knows he can’t do anything suspicious, as the woman’s guardian is nearby, as extra security and guarantee of his good behaviour.
A sincere man will respect this structure. He will be committed to jumping through all the hoops to get to know you and marry you. If he is insincere, he would just give up as he knows he can’t go through the effort of dating someone to use and abuse, since marriage is the number one priority. A practical and effective filter, in my humble opinion.
Get married and go ham, don’t lower your standards before that. That is when you can build your relationship freely and love deeply. At least both parties hearts, minds and souls are protected.
Raising standards is not unrealistic. It is vital. This is why I only believe in Marriage and not Modern Dating
Also for any female readers, don’t be shy in proposing to a good man, get to know them properly and find out if they are right for you. Go ahead and ask all the difficult questions(kids, future, temperament, religiosity, what they want out of marriage, libido, etc.). We all have our needs, so get commitment and fulfil it with the right one.Also marriage does not have to be extravagant 1, it should be about you and your partner, not how much money you can burn.